Instead, one convenient overnight bus and border crossing later I was in a lovely little tourist bubble replete with nice hotel and nearby hot spring. It makes a tidy profit for the NK government and their SK business partners, hopefully enough so they can actually provide food to the people for a change. That said, the scenery on offer, the company kept and the quality of the beer, made for an enjoyable trip.
Mobile phones, Hans Blix, political material, binoculars and cameras above a certain magnification are banned and have to stay on the south side of the border. In an act of sleep deprived genius I also decided to leave my bag with my clothes at the border as well. Still, I figured if Dennis could do two weeks in India with nought but a handkerchief I could handle one weekend without a bag.
We were told about various misdemeanours punishable by fines, to not take pictures of any North Korean people and to not stare at the soldiers but for all the build-up, apart from being delayed a few hours, the border crossing was uneventful.
After crossing the border we arrived at the compound which although having coffee shops, duty-free shopping with all your favourite American brands - political principle running a distant second to the 'almighty ollar' - and a couple of hotels, was still vaguely unsettling in the knowledge you were only allowed to move within a certain area. It gave an illusionary feeling of freedom if you didn't think too much.
Down the road in one direction you could see a small village but the road leading to it was blocked by a guard station. Movement to the different mountains was done en mass by bus which made it easier for them to keep an eye on us.
At first I thought, based on leaked military intelligence reports, that the dome-shape was a giant colander suitable for the giant lettuces favored in these parts by the giant flesh-eating rabbits imported from Iran by the Chinese but it turned out to be an acrobatic dome.
Possibly there was a nuclear weapons facility underneath it but I soon tired of digging. In the language of the regime it's a "Cultural Centre". Size wise it might also just fit on Kim Jong's head as a rather fetching hat to compliment his sartorially splendorous safari suits.
It was a little bit surreal but during the acrobatic show in the afternoon, having only woken up momentarily (the show was great but I was hugely tired) I got pulled out of the audience and onto the stage. It was meant to be a bit of a comedy routine to break the show-up but I have to say their sense of humor was as outdated as their ideology. Then again it could have been an audition for North Korea Hasn't Got Talent.
Anyways, I ended up having a basketball hoop strapped around my waist, as you do, and having to catch balls fired from a catapult on the other side of the stage, as you do. Somehow, possibly because I was too tired to actually think, I made all the "baskets" including one behind my back.
The next day random Koreans on the trail would come up and make circular motions around their waist and then point to my waist. Once I worked out they didn't want sexytime I basked in my 15 seconds as they shook my hand and gave the thumbs up. If you've ever seen Korean television you'd probably understand why they found a cracker on a stage catching balls fired from a medieval weapon so entertaining.
The main reason for the trip, apart from trying to avoid disgracing yourself in front of a few hundred people, is to see the views at Mt Kumgang and the Kuryong Falls.
It absolutely bucketed down all weekend which spoilt some of the views but on the bright side it got the waterfalls cranking.
The landscape was of a different type to other places I've been thus far, often resembling something out of the movie Close Encounters, and was very beautiful and very unspoilt.
The first mountain area was rock formations which at the top offered some spectacular views even in overcast and rainy conditions.
The hike on the Sunday was to the falls which were spectacular and surrounded by beautiful scenery.
This was the main fall.
At the top across from the main fall there was a temple-like structure, somewhat diminished in effect by having peanuts for sale. Living in a dictatorship means when you're asked to clean the eaves (or to sell peanuts) there's no arguing.
I found myself wanting to understand what the North Koreans were thinking. What had they been told about the outside world, what perception did they have of other countries, of their own and of their leader?
It's known that NK is struggling with shortages of food, a stalled economy and a major inflation problem. Being so insular means they lack the expertise in key economic, technological and educational areas possessed by more open countries. That said, all the workers we saw were genuinely happy, fit looking, friendly and very proud of their work. However, in such a controlled and image conscious environment as this one it was pointless to view this as indicative of the country.
Here's a photo taken on a bridge moments before I was chased off by Billy Goat Gruff.
There were a lot of steps over the weekend but nothing too arduous.
Korean women are very image conscious to the point where there can be multi-person pile-ups as the woman in front comes to an abrupt yet glamorously poised halt on catching sight of her reflection. Occasionally on this weekend in the north I'd spot the odd nutter doing the walk wearing heels and a short skirt. Admittedly they looked hot, but still nuts.
On the Saturday night a friend and I decided to head out of the compound and take a walk to check out a North Korean folk show. Along the road we found an abandoned house and wandered around it for a bit taking photos then hiding out while a squad of soliders marched down the road outside. It felt a little dramatic at the time but I was confident it wasn't a shootable offence.
Anarchy in the N.K.
At the folk-show the Samsung Pistols absolutely went off, swearing, making obscene gestures and gobbing at the capitalist pigs in the audience.
Each musician did their own little solo including the goth-looking communist chick shredding on the accordion. After playing it behind her head she closed her act by setting it on fire as an offering to the gods of rock, I mean folk.
Meanwhile the lead singer, in the angry yellow colour, jumped into the crowd while Donny Osmond on guitar dove head first through the bass drum...or maybe I'd dozed off again. I was never able to confirm my suspicion they were hiding giant rolls of toilet paper under their dresses.
We also had a stop at a picture of Kim Jong Il and his father and predecessor for the job of Mr Crazy Dictator Man, Kim Il Sung. Once again this photo stop had to be supervised by a North Korean, apparently they were worried we might do something silly around the picture if left to our own devices so consequently I wasn't able to definitively prove once and for all that Kim Jong really does look like my butt. Outrageous, as if we'd be so childish to do anything disrespectful to a picture of the Dear Leader...
Last post I promised bunny's so here it it. Sure, it's a freaky North Korean giant bunny with green pubes holding a cudgel but it's still a bunny dammit.
be well.
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